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Story

This has two versions: the summary and the dialogue, spoken and unchanged.

If you do not understand the references, please refer to Touhou Mother: Miscellaneous for all your reference needs.

Beginning (The summary)

Reimu Hakurei checks her donation box and (surprise! It's empty) when Marisa Kirisame arrives and informs her that she is bored.
After going to Yuka's Sunflower Field and bullying Cirno, a meteor falls and Marisa ,being as bored as she was, goes to investigate (leaving Yuka in the dust.)
The meteor opened up to reveal a new threat to Gensokyo, the Starman.
After defeating him, Reimu spots a chubby human laying on the ground.
Not wanting to leave a fellow human (even a chubby one), Marisa decides to fly to the Scarlet Mansion to enlist the help of Patchouli (in the process, leaving a gaping hole in the wall in Patchy's room)
Patchouli wasn't too happy about the wall, but began to seduce Marisa.
It didn't work, as Marisa had other things in mind... like figuring out what do with Chubby.
Marisa, however was suckered into spending some "alone time" with Patchy while Reimu searches for Remilia because Patchy is "worried about her"
As Reimu reaches for the door handle, Remmy bursts in and crys to save her from Sakuya, who is wearing a strange mask!
After agreeing to help her, Reimu and Marisa faces off with Sakuya, with Patchouli assisting.

Beginning (The actual Dialogue)

Story Text

One day, in Gensokyo.
At the Hakurei Shrine.
*Reimu checks donation box*
*Sighs*
*Marisa runs in*


Marisa

Reimuu!
Well, that's unusual.
You're actually up already!
Seriously, you're turning into Yukari with that super-lazy lifestyle!
...Or maybe it's the other way around?

So, uh, Reimu.
I wanted to consult your incident radar.
Has anything happened recently?
*Reimu looks confused*

Marisa

Well, I've got nothing else to do.
Just wondering if anything... happened.
*Reimu shakes head no*

Marisa

...Nothing.
Well, nothing to be worry about.
Then we've got some spare time.

So, Reimu.
...Um, you want to go to the Sunflower Field?
...Yuka might be doing something interesting.

If Reimu says no

Marisa

Then the game can't proceed.
Sheesh, like you're busy with anything!

If Reimu says yes.

Marisa

Ok, it's settled.

*Marisa joins Reimu's party*

*At Sunflower Field*

Marisa

...There she is.

*Walks towards Yuka*

Marisa

Hello! ☆

Yuka

Hah...nothing today, either...

Marisa

Huh?

*Turns around*

Yuka

wh...Marisa?...Haaa...

Marisa

What's up, Yuka?

Yuka

Have you seen Wriggle around?

Marisa

Why do you ask?

Yuka

....I'm pretty sure Wriggle's here somewhere.

*Wriggle Appears*

Yuka

Or at least, I have a feeling...

*Kicks Wriggle Offscreen*

Yuka

I wanna go beat her up. 

I won't be satisfied knowing there might be someone like her running around.

Marisa

...Ah... I see.

...Sorry, I guess she wasn't very interesting.

Yuka

Hah...I hope she'll show up quickly.

Marisa

Quickly? You mean,like,not you?
*Cirno interrupts*

Cirno

Hooold uuup!
*Pops out of sunflowers*
It's me, at your service!

Yuka

...Who asked for you?

I'm not looking for fairys.

What are you doing here?
You'll just make the flowers wilt.

Cirno

You were gonna try to bully Wriggle, weren't you?

I am a friend of justice!
I cannot simply stand by and watch!

*Yuka stares at Cirno*

Yuka

...Better idea.
Forget Wriggle, you'll do.

Cirno

W...What?

Marisa

I'll help! Friends of justice are practically my breakfast!

Reimu! You want in on this too,right?

*Reimu agrees*

Cirno

...Now you're just being mean.

*Fights and defeats Cirno*

*Cirno is punched offscreen*

Yuka

Ahahahaha! Thanks!

NOW I'm satisfied!

Marisa

...Sorry.She was completely uninteresting.
...Let's go.

*Yuka spots something in the distance*

Yuka

...What's that?

Marisa

W-what?
*Meteor falls and hits Cirno*

Marisa

...That was ...what...?

What was that?
Something fell out of the sky!
Reimu! 
Did the Hakurei Border break or what?
*Reimu is puzzled*

Marisa

...This is intriguing...

Yuka

...Well then, let's not waste time.

*Turns*

Marisa

Yuka!

*Yuka slowly runs towards meteor crash site*

Not fast enough!

Marisa

Ah right, of course.

...Well, we can't afford to miss this!
Let's go Reimu!

*Runs past Yuka*

Yuka

W-what? Wait for me!
*At meteorite*

Marisa

...So this is that thing that feel from the sky?

...But what is it?
...I don't have the slightest idea.
I mean it,ze.
*Alien appears*

???

...*whirr* We have found it. A new land. A whole *click* world.

..We will *whirr* take it. 
For our angel.
*Defeated Starman JR*

Yuka

...F-Finally... I... caught up...
W-What was that?

Marisa

...Yuka?!
You missed out on all the fun!

*Reimu excitedly points off in the distance*

Marisa
What's wrong Reimu?

*Reimu grabs Marisa and turns her toward to where she's pointing at*

Marisa

Eh?
...!

*A chubby, unconscious person is on the ground nearby*

*Touhou mother interlude playing LOG-O-TYPE*

Yuka

I wonder if we should be helping a guy like this...

He looked fine lying in the flowers to me.

Marisa

Hey, I'm a human being, y'know.
I won't just leave other humans to die.

But unless your really, really lucky, I'm not gonna obey your every whim!

*Reimu whispers something*

Marisa

You're kidding me!
We have to carry him all the way to the mansion?!

Screw that! Hold on tight, 'cause we're doing things my way!
*Flys into the Scarlet Devil mansion, making a hole in Patchouli's room without waking Meiling*

Patchouli

...Oh, Marisa.
...Couldn't you used the entrance?

Marisa

I've made you a new entrance! 
How could you complain about that?!

You're always like this, Patchouli!
Anyway, here's this fat guy.

He collapsed.
...Wasn't my fault.

Patchouli

...Ah yes.
...First, you should lie him down on a bed.

*Reimu notices the Marisa colored bed next to Patchouli's and stares at her*

Marisa

Uh Reimu. Something's suspicious, But I'm not sure what's fishy, exactly.

*Reimu glares at Marisa*

Marisa

No, I'm sure Patchouli's fine.
She's a magician too, so I know her.

So...maybe the person I'm thinking of is you, ze!

*Reimu gives a exasperated look*

Marisa

...Uh...

*Looks at Patchouli desperately*

Patchouli!

*Uses eyes to beg for backup*

Patchouli

...Marisa, there is nothing wrong with me saying to use my bed.

*Marisa glares at Patchouli, (clearly that wasn't the backup she wanted)*

Just accept it.

*Marisa gives one of those "We're going to have a long talk about this later" looks*

Marisa

... I guess there's no explanation 
Anyway!

*Tries to change subject*

Now to do something for this guy!

Patchouli

...Yes,yes...

*Marisa Tosses fat guy on bed*

Marisa

How's that?

Patchouli

Doesn't he still look rather uncomfortable?
Whatever, we'll leave him until he wakes up.

Marisa

What? Look, you can't just push me around.
I'm not giving out favors.

Patchouli

You'd really say that?

Marisa

Would I lie, ze?

Patchouli

Well I have some drinks. Want anything?
I believe I have a Big City Cola.

Marisa

...N-No, we can just relax here...

Patchouli

Well...

*Gives hurt puppy dog look to Marisa*

*Walks slowly away while Marisa squirms uneasily*

Marisa

I... I get it...
I'll try not to be too annoying, ze.

Patchouli

...Hm.

*Marisa and Patchouli sit on sofa*

Patchouli

Right then, Reimu.
Can you go check on Remmy for me?
I'm really worried about her.

Marisa

Why's that?

Patchouli

I haven't seen her lately.
It might not be anything serious, but...
I'm still worried about her.

Marisa

I guess I understand.

(Editor's note)

For those not with it, Marisa and Patchouli aren't REALLY going to drink Big City Cola. 
It's a excuse for  Marisa to sit with Patchouli, and to get some "alone time", 
Patchouli sends Reimu away to find Remilia who they both know is ok...)

*Reimu reaches for the door*

*Remilia bursts through door*

Remilia

Help me, Patchouliiiiiiiiii

(Editor's Post-Note)

...Annnd, much to everyone's surprise(and Patchy's displeasure), it turned out to be an utter coincidence that something is
wrong!

Sakuya?

Kukuku....What's wrong mistress?
It's too soon for playtime to be over.

Get back to your room and study!
I'm always here to be of service

Remilia

Ahhhhh...!

Marisa

Who is that...
And what's with her ugly face?

Patchouli

It's Sakuya. 
The mask was there yesterday.
...I'm not sure who put it on.
*Remilia cowers behind Reimu*

Remilia

Reimu!... Listen to me!
Please... help!

Sakuya?

Hoho, mistress.
How unfitting of you to beg.

Aren't you suppose to be a vampire?

Remilia

But...well...

Sakuya

Reeeiiimuuu...
Do you feel this maid girl is in your way?
If Reimu says no

Remilia

Reimuuu....

*Are you stone-heartedly denying Remilia's request?*

*Insert here if you said no again*

*If Reimu said yes*

Sakuya?

Hoho, such bravery.

*Sakuya stopped listening*

Marisa

Patchouli. 
What do you think we should do?

*Not paying attention to currant situation*

Patchouli

Hm... use whatever method you like.

Marisa

Oh, to return her to normal?

*regains compusure*

Yeah, guess we should deal with her now.

Patchouli

I'll try to assist
Sakuya is always being rude on the job.

*VS Masked Maid Girl*

*Defeated Masked Maid Girl*

Sakuya

...

Marisa

Is that it?

Sakuya

...Mistress?...H-Huh...?

Remilia

Sakuya...

Sakuya

M-Mistress. What has happened?

*Approaches Sakuya*

Remilia

Sakuya! Can't you remember what you've been doing?!

Sakuya

...I-I'm sorry.I don't have any excuse.
All of those memories are unclear...

Marisa

Well, that's fine. We beat you up,
and you were stronger than usual.

...But not strong enough, of course.

*Turns to Patchouli*

Marisa

So, what's this worth?
At least one book, right?

Patchouli

...

...Will you accept my diary?

Marisa

...

...Well,ok, ze.

*Received Dream Diary*

Remilia

...Sakuya, I'm glad you returned to normal.

Now hurry up and get back to fixing up the Scarlet Devil Mansion! 

Sakuya

Understood!

Just me?

Remilia

Hah! You don't work for humans you know!

*Sakuya and Remilia leave*

Marisa

But what on earth is this mask?
Oh hey. 
It fixed itself, ze.

Patchouli

Fixed itself?!

Toss it! Who needs that?!

Marisa

Fine! Take it!

*Shoves mask into Patchouli's face*

Patchouli

Kyaaa...!

*A sound flows from the Mask and Reimu memorizes it.*

*Mask is in pieces*

Patchouli

...I wonder what that sound was?

Marisa

...Huh... hm

Somehow, it makes me nostalgic... 
like it's something I've heard before, but...

*Fatty wakes up*

Fatty

Uhhh...

Marisa

...Oh. You're conscious?

Fatty

...You're...?

Marisa

I'm Miss Marisa. I'm the hero,ze.

*Reimu glares at her*

Or heroine, I suppose.

*Reimu shakes her head, angered her message didn't get across.*

Patchouli

You should give her your thanks.

If Marisa didn't help you, you would have been Youkai bait.

Fatty

...Thank you

Marisa

So, you got that?
Eh,whatever.
Who're you?

Fatonymous

...I don't know.

Marisa

...You don't know?

*Looks at Name Text*
That's not even funny.
At least come up with something creative.

Fatty

...I'm not lying... I don't... remember anything.
...Including my name.

Marisa

Then you've lost your memories?

Like I haven't seen that a hundred times in Touhou fangames...

Patchouli

What are you talking about?

Marisa

Oh,it's nothing important.

...So you really can't remember a thing?

Fatonymous

...Right

Marisa

Nothing in your pockets or anything, is there?

Fatonymous

...There's a piece of paper here.

...It says "Porky."

Marisa

Then from now on, we'll call you Porky.
Is that fine?

Porky

...Yes.

Marisa

Right then, Porky. I'm probably wrong, but do you remember hearing this melody?

*Melody Plays*

Porky

...I don't.

Marisa

So you haven't...

...Okay. Reimu, I think Yukari might know something about this.
...We might as well try,ze.

Perhaps Yukari will prove herself as a sage for once.

Patchouli

Sounds fun.

Marisa

Say, you've got time now, right?
It shouldn't be boring as this place,ze.
So, you wanna come to?

Patchouli

...It's may not be so great here, but I'll restrain myself.

*Suddenly looks serious*

...Marisa. It seems it could be serious...
I have a bad feeling. So take this.

*Recives Magic Ribbon*

It's my magic charm. It might help you a little.

Marisa

Ah,Patchouli.
Thanks!

Patchouli

If Yukari tells you anything important, report back to me as well.

Porky is a human from the outside world.
So I wonder how he got here.

Marisa

So he's an alien, but not the Eirin kind...!
Okay,  let's go, Reimu,!
*At Yukari's House*
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