This sentence is awkward. Any suggestions?
You shouldn't act on the living's common sense, or you will be in a mess.
- What about "Acting like you were alive..."
I've made a change to the sentence. I think we should keep the "common sense" part of the speech though. --ChronoReverse 07:41, 17 Aug 2005 (PDT)
I think this sentence at the begining of stage5 is a wrong translation.
But I'm not good at reading English, so I can't judge it to be a wrong translation.
I pray that beneath these flowers spring might die in that second month the moon was full
I want to change like this.
I want to die under the cherry blossom on spring
in the "second month" 15th (Buddha died on "second month" 15th.
In old calender, "second month" 15th is springtime.Old calender is moon calender,
so a night with full moon means 15th.)
- So something like "I pray that I might die; beneath these flowers; under spring's full moon?"
Your translation seems to be more suitable to this context than mine.
願わくは花の下にて春死なむ
その如月の望月のころ
ほとけには桜の花をたてまつれ
我が後の世を 人とぶらはば
身のうさを思ひしらでややみなまし
そむくならひのなき世なりせば
Because these three poems are famous tankas composed by priest Saigyou. (Tanka (It's literal translation is short song)is a Japanese poem which is consisted of 5-7-5-7-7 syllables. To make them sound better composers often omit or change words.) So lengthy translation is not appropriate.
By the way, the second tanka is correctly translated. But third tanka is also misstranslated.
身のうさを思ひしらでややみなまし
そむくならひのなき世なりせば
I would end without understanding my melancholic destiny,
if I had been in a society in which there is not a custom to retire into religeon.
- Okay, I've seen your edits and it sounds good. Although the third phrase is a bit difficult to understand right now. If no one else steps forward, I'll try to edit it soon and you can look that over. So you might want to wait on copying it over. - J5983 00:37, 4 Sep 2005 (PDT)
- I would have ended without understanding my sad fate
- if I had never found religion.
- I'm not certain about that one. In what sense are you using "melancholic"? Would "accepting" be better than "understanding"? Is it talking about the pointlessness of life?
- - J5983 20:36, 5 Sep 2005 (PDT)
Kuromaku~[]
Fun to say, not so fun to decipher, no? The Japanese word kuromaku or 黒幕 keeps coming up at the end of Stage One, when Sakuya is talking to Letty Whiterock. Letty even sounds it out in Katakana, as くろまく～...
Indeed, I noticed that the Shrinemaiden translation, the Wiki translation, and the first version of the PCB trial translation all interpreted this conversation differently. This interested me, and, even though I know no Japanese whatsoever, I fooled with some translation engines to try and figure out what was going on.
And, I realized that indeed, the word kuromaku, more literally black curtain (or rather, the person behind it) can be construed into many a meaning. So, poor Letty is either announcing herself as being a black curtain to be lifted, a mastermind (Pulling strings, what fun~), or what seems the most fitting for the exchange (already very uncharacteristic for the normally cheerful, friendly, but set-minded Sakuya)... a stage boss. Maybe she's even just an "ordinary" wire puller? Who knows...
Anyways... just my two cents, but the "Letty is the Mastermind" interpretation currently seen here doesn't really seem to fit. Thanks for reading my uneducated opinion. ^_^
- Tenebrys